What the hell am I doing here?

It was your first idea. Waiting in the bus stop seemed all right. Of course it is all right. You wait for her, she sees you, she will be happy, you will be happy, everyone will be happy at last, once-in-a-lifetime, opportunity of the decade. The sun is shining, it's the first day of Spring. Or is it? Maybe there will be some snow in the next few days, but who cares. Today is carpe diem, tomorrow awaits to teach us why to be patient.

You're not alone at the bus stop. Around you everyone has a story. There's for example that lady in a brownish coat. She looks happy. She stands just next to the bus stop sign. Why is she waiting for the bus? Or she just waits for someone like you do? Maybe her granddaughter comes for a visit. While you think about these things, that boy in funny shoes lights on a cigarette. The fume irritates the lady and with a grimace she walks a few steps away.

And what could be the story of funny shoes by the way? The sun melts the chocolate in your hands, or does something with the flower you're holding... you've never been good at biology. Just trying to concentrate on the actual subject of the bus-waiting you look from one side to another. Who is that sad guy? Looks familiar.

Suddenly you hear a song you haven't heard a long time ago. It's from the earphones of FunnyShoes. You know this song, you know the lyrics. "I wish I was special, you're so fucking special. But I'm a creep..." (Radiohead - Creep) Whenever you hear this song you think that it's about you. But it's not. You're not a weirdo. Just stop thinking about these stupidities and concentrate on your aim.

By the way. What is it? You want that girl, or what? Sure you do! She's nice, she's clever, she's beautiful, she's so... fucking... special. But what if she doesn't like you? Of course she does, or, at least that's what you have to think. That's what you thought for a long time. You start to think about the obvious like it was just your imagination. You start to think too much. That was always your problem. You think too much and draw the wrong conclusion. You feel the chocolate on your fingers.

A bus stopped and the club of the lady and FunkyShoes augments some new people from different locations, heading to different locations, having different stories which are maybe bigger than yours. Some more minutes. Of course you will wait her. Suddenly, Sun starts to shine differently. Like She would say "Man, why are you thinking? Isn't it the right thing to do? It's Valentine's day, for Earth's sake... Yes, it was the Sun talking to you." Yes, definitely you think too much. Or drink too little.

Your head aches, maybe it's just the sun, or the dehydration, or that you had nothing to eat since last night. That endless buzzing in your ears just keep singing the song. Actually just a small part of the song "What the hell am I doing here?"... Who's that sad boy in the reflection on the window? Looks familiar. You love this girl, don't you? Why are you sad then? Is looking for an exit all the time you think of her is a sane state of mind? When the butterflies in your stomach feel like T-Rexes?

Just a few more seconds and she'll be here, but you are not where you were before. Walking away was your second idea...

Maybe she won't be on the bus. Why are you here anyway? Brownish coat, Funny Shoes, the new members of the club. They all look at you with the eyes... 'The Eyes'... 'Where are you going? Don't you love that girl?' 'Of course I do love her!' 'Then what the hell is wrong with you? Believe in it a bit! Your chocolate is dripping on your shoes by the way...'

You stopped. Who's that guy in the reflection? He's much happier now. He is much familiar now. He loves that girl. The bus stops. She smiles at you... It's just butterflies... The dinosaurs extincted a few minutes ago...

Walking away was your second idea... Walking away was my worst idea...